Changes? What Changes?

So I alluded to making changes in my life for the new year. Technically speaking, I started with these some changes in the latter part of 2007. Perhaps the biggest change/shift I have already made came about on December 23rd when I embraced Nichiren Daishonin Buddhism as a guidepoint for my life, after attending a meeting with a practicing buddhist friend who has inspired me with his countenance for some time. I'm not one of those "on-fire" types who goes gaga over the new thing they're following/listening to, but I've been steadfast in my efforts and it has been worth it.

Several people who know me and hear of me changing the core of who I am become VERY concerned, partly because it all seems to be coming about in a flood just as I was in the midst of a troubling time. Rest assured, folks. Most of the changes were events/ideas that had been mulling around in my head for years, in some cases.

How about a laundry list?

1. I have a tattoo on my right arm. It's chinese characters meaning "warrior" or "warrior hero".

2. Became a Buddhist. For most of my adult life, I had a feeling that priniciples found in Buddhist teachings had a destiny in my life path. So here I am, stepping out bold on that belief. So far, quite good and effective!

3. Challenged myself to be a better housekeeper. In public, I am well-kept for the most part, but at home? I am nasty bastard. So nasty, in fact, that I have prevented willing female company from coming over! Yeah, that disgusting! At 31 years of age, that's a damn shame. No excuses.

4. Started taking a Qi-Gong class every Tuesday. Qi-Gong is a chinese/Taoist meditation practice that's centered on your breathing as a means to heal one's self and to attain relaxation. This is another long-time aspiration of mine because I never felt I breathe properly, odd as that sounds.

5. Exercise. I can't get taller (thanks mom and dad), but I can work-out what I have, and watch what I eat to improve myself. I've neglected this for way too long and the image I've seen in pictures hasn't matched up with my own mental image of myself for years. General fitness is essential for anyone with a heartbeat, and I look good slimmer and with muscles, so it's time to cut the bullshit in this area.

6. Progressively removing aspects of my character that undercut/diminishes my masculinity. Without question, the most difficult, on-going alteration for me. For years, I thought I was doing the right things to win affection, love, and respect by being the nice guy, who was a cut above the jerks and man-whores that woman seem to complain about. The real story is (I believe, at least) inside those so-called jerks, man-whores and assholes is undeniable evidence of a MAN, not a guy or a boy. A lot of what I brought/bring to the table was/is good, but wasn't good enough in almost all my intimate dealings with the opposite sex. Not taking away the idea that some of my pursuits were bad pairings/poor choices/bad timing (very true as well), but I am convinced what a lot of women have/are communicating to me without saying it blatantly to my face is, I'm not a real man in their eyes. In some way(s), I forfeit my manhood with my behavior and actions (or lack thereof).

After years of observing, I find the adage is true: Nice guys DO finish last because somehow they let everyone know that they don't have any balls to sustain a woman's interest or their own. Good guys, however, do NOT finish last. They try to handle their business, be who they are regardless, are genuine and do for themselves in life...to mention a few. I refuse to become a jerk or asshole for someone else's favor if I can help it (and I can!), so being a good guy is my evolving objective. What I have been in the past and the results I have garnered, simply make me sick. I deserve much better and I'm trying to do things to get it in every aspect of my life. You can't blame the world or other people (nice guys do that all the time). It starts with the individual. Me.

These are my changes. I could go on, but it's past 2:30am and I should have been sleep hours ago. Plus, I'm certain I'll have more to share on this topic as time passes by.

Good morning : )

BTW, thanks to the people posting comments on my project here. Can't believe you were my first post Shasta! Blast from the past!