What's today's date? How long has it been since I last posted? That should explain my situation just about right. Busy, busy, busy!
And I officially know, for a fact, that I'm no longer a spring chicken. The delusion of me being able to function properly with only four or five hours of sleep is over
The week preceding the three-day weekend--a rarity in my life with work, unexpectedly greeted me with staying awake til 2 or 3am in the morning. Between cleaning, reading, shopping, meditation class, preparing for the weekend, and the biggest culprit, my rediscovered zest for talking at length on the phone (and my chat partner knows exactly what I'm referring to), I was lucky to sleep more than 4 hours any night.
Then came the weekend.
Back in December, a group of friends from my kickball experience decided we needed a mid-winter break from the city and brought up the idea of going to the Poconos for a little winter outdoor activity and a guaranteed crazy, wild time with one another. Before you knew it, getaway day was here and I couldn't wait to bolt out of the city!
15 strong shared food, DRINK, space and good times in a house fit for kings and queens in the Poconos. We sang, we danced, we mosh-pitted, we bowled, we keg-stand (yes, all of us 25-35ish age-ranged folks did that). Some of us twice (including me). Some skied, some snow-shoed, some played ultimate foosball (guilty again) and more.
I believe the only thing we didn't get a chance to do was snowtube (damn the weather! Damn it to hell!)
Oh, and did I mention that we drank? Holy smoke! It's a miracle I didn't get sick from the many "socials" that took place over the weekend, especially with me tempting my alcoholic nemesis, Tequila. How many shots of T I did? Couldn't tell you, but as my friend Martin says, "Tequila make shit happen!"
As a New York City resident, you must get away from the hustle and bustle of it every once in a while, and this trip was right on the money. I didn't want to pay to hike through snow at first. It sounded like an unguided rip-off, but the experience was as beautiful and serene as it was introspective and challenging. It required some patience to get comfortable in those snow paddles and faith in the process of doing something and letting the value of it come to you in order to enjoy the moment.
It was life as it is, in a nutshell...which leads me to this.
For all the anticipation around this weekend, there was a touch of trepidation for me. Frankly speaking, the potential for "drama" and/or hurt feelings was very real thanks to events of the past I involved myself in within this social group. Despite the best, good and necessary efforts to assuage those issues beforehand, one can never truly predict what will happen when people get away from their everyday lives and let things loose. It was a test to see if people could return to place of friendship in a real, palpable sense and to see if I could handle that answer, whatever it is turned out to be. Traditionally, when I've been hurt by someone or a meaningful connection has been broken, I don't react in a manner that promotes healing or forward progress. I do a very unmanly thing and sulk about the situation.
So what happened?
I suspect there was (and maybe still is?) tension, distance and/or sippiness at times while I was in the Poconos directed towards me, and I'm certain I wasn't buddha-like at every instance. However, I didn't allow that awkwardness or lack of easy comfort that I used to have to disrupt a great time. If I was displeased with a person's tone or treatment, I simply went in another direction to do another fun thing. I took time to get to know other people within the group better than I did before the trip. I kept my mouth shut (not a typical action for me in this type of situation). I took different approach to a potentially uncomfortable, sadly familiar situation and overall, I'm proud of the result because despite my concern, I didn't allow that to stand in the way of my fun.
And of course, I chanted in case my fellow buddhists are wondering.
All in all, it was good times with good people that I feel even more comfortable with. It is was a experience I pleasantly won't soon forget.
Mel.
BTW, No compelling reason to update you on this week because it was a wash thanks to the Poconos! I paid for my good time for sure!
Time for a nap.
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2 comments:
Good post Mel. Glad to hear and see how much your growing.
Mel, thinking introspectively, I think it is great that you can find a different avenue for when your emotions threaten to take over. I think it is soo much easier for people to lash out without contemplating how their words touch the the lives of the people around them or even themselves for that matter. However, I do need to say I don't always agree with staying quiet either. Growing means addressing things not avoiding. Don't take that wrong I am not assuming you are avoiding to address issues, but in general the duck and dodge tactics of confrontation rarely seem to aid anyone in growth. I have a question though if a woman sulks after a break up is she unwomanly? Why is it always soo manly for men to be somewhat desensitized to emotion? I've seen nothing but man in your blog... what is soo unmanly about that? Perhaps, the steps you have taken to be a "good man" are just shining through here. Do you ever think that sometimes you are too hard on yourself and don't give yourself enough credit for being simply human? btw Sounds like you had a wonderful time. I'll leave you with this quote:
"That a man is successful who has lived well, laughed often, and loved much, who has gained the respect of the intelligent men and the love of children; who has filled his niche and accomplished his task; who leaves the world better than he found it, whether by an improved poppy, a perfect poem, or a rescued soul; who never lacked appreciation of earth's beauty or failed to express it; who looked for the best in others and gave the best he had."--Robert Louis Stevenson
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