The First step

Let me start by saying that this is a scary thing to do for a traditionally introverted guy who usually reserves his private thoughts for himself, trusted friends or a wall.

A failed attempt at romance and love, a kickball season in unlikely weather and circumstance, a new work position in the middle of a busy holiday season, a spiritual shift/decision, and a life-changing book has opened 2008 with a lot of revelatory information I've discovered about other people, about life and most importantly, about myself. The difference between now and any other time, however, is my willingness to face the not-so-pretty things swirling around in my life/personality and to expose them freely to faciliate sometimes difficult, but necessary change.

Ask the majority of people I know and they'll likely tell you that Mel is a good guy, a nice guy (BTW, the latter term I have developed a particular dislike for..more on that down the line). In general, that is true, but I will be the first to admit that I have many holes or flaws in my character as everyone has in varying degrees. However, it is apparent now more than ever, many of those holes/flaws are there because I have failed to see life as life is when it comes to dealing with people (women especially), overcoming adversity, getting out of my own damn way and frankly, being a man in full (isn't that a Tom Wolfe title?). It is clear that I am the one robbing myself of the sense of happiness I should have in life and preventing me from attaining those closely-held goals I have on the inside. The world, as crazy and dysfunctional as it can be, ultimately is not the problem. It is often my approach to living life that is.

So why a blog as oppose to a personal diary? This is the very question my best friend put to me a few days ago. Simply put, it is a challenge to be forthright to the world about stuff in my life that deeply affect me positively or negatively. Usually I hold such stuff on the inside and maybe over time reveal certain things to my closest friends and family as I mentioned above. I'm not saying I will divulge every single morsel of my life on this thing, but I will take on many of the issues that impact my life here. Some will be funny, wacky and happy. Some will be painful, sad, even angry at times. I fully expect the emotional gambit to play out here and I will not shy away from it nor mute it.

So I hope you will read about this guy, Melvin, who at 31, is trying to be the intergrated man he should be starting from the inside so he may affect new results in his life. I also hope you will post your thoughts/opinions/slander/hate mail/whatever. Be open and forthright--even if you must be anonymous.

Here I go.